Thursday, 14 February 2013

Twitter: An Innocent Gangraped By Brands

Disclaimer: I do not intend to hurt the sentiments of any actual human by using the term ‘gangraped’ in reference to Twitter.

These days 10 out of the top 8 trends on Twitter are usually brand related. They vary from lame ass contests to even lamer ass contests. From Hashtags varying from #ReplaceMovieNameWithKachhuaChhaap to #WhyDoYouLoveYourMamaAndNotYourMami, these contests have taken over Twitter trends like sex takes over the mind of a 14 year old pervert when he watches a women’s tennis match.

They’ve made ‘trending’ on Twitter a joke. Just to achieve that few hours of fame by trending they’re willing to hold stupid contests and give away their products in return. Mind you, even these products vary from the crazy to the crazier. Soon we’ll be winning dildos and vibrator and even blow up dolls thanks to the upcoming Besharam website which is endorsed by Sunny Leone and apparently it’s the first sex toy website in India. I could be wrong though.

Brands measure their success by the number of hours they trend on Twitter per day and the number of times they trend in a week. From trusted sources, I’ve heard, brands have gone to the limit of asking their agencies to MAKE THEM TREND EVERYDAY FOR 20 DAYS! Dear digital manager of a brand, do you realise it is no big deal to give away an item worth 3k and then trend your stupid Hashtag in the process? Everybody wants something free and they’re willing to tell you #WhyILoveCheeseOnMyPizzaAndCumOnMyJizza.

With your idiotic Hashtags, you are not adding any value to Twitter or the world in general. You’re just making it worse. I can still bear with generic Hashtags which don’t have much to do with a product or a service, but putting your brand name RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF A HASHTAG sucks. That is not fame or success. We all know you have a team of 6 guys working on 600 Twitter handles each, with a Red Bull in one hand, a cigarette in the other, Tweeting the fuck away to make your random ass Hashtag trend.

Take a break brands. Stop with your contests which make no sense. Have some real conversations with your followers, figure out newer ways to interact with them, get quirky, get smart; get famous.

So brands, you may take your contests and shove ‘em up your ass. Ain’t nobody got time for that. 

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