Delhi Police Haaye Haaye

It was Friday and I’d had a hectic day at work when I came home and saw a huge tent right opposite my apartment. I figured it was some religious thing since it was in the middle of the road right next to a nallah, which is apparently a tributary of the Yamuna river. It was about 9-10 at night and I was hoping it’d end soon. In the meanwhile, I found out from a friend of mine that this was the famous Chhath Puja. I was annoyed and I decided to pour myself a drink.

I shut the door and the windows tightly. I poured myself a drink and increased the volume of the music I was listening to. It was 11 PM and the noise from the tent only increased with time. I tried to stay patient but I was losing my cool. I’d anyway had a long day at work and when I came home to relax I found this crap going on. By 11:30 PM by head was splitting and alcohol wasn’t helping either. I decided to call the cops.

“Hello... Blah blah... You call is on hold. Please stay on the line... x 15”

I shit you not. I was on hold for the longest time and then I gave up. Or maybe the call got cut automatically, I don’t really remember. I called again.

“Hello... Blah blah... You call is on hold. Please stay on the line... x 7”

“Hello main dilli police se bol rahi hoon. Main aapki kya sahayata kar sakti hoon?

“Ji. Yeh main mayur vihar se bol raha hoon. Mere ghar ke saamne yeh do ghanto se tent laga hai. Udhar shor sharaba ho raha hai. Naach gaana ho raha hai. Loudspeaker laga hai. Aur jahan tak mere ko malum hai, 11 PM ke baad yeh sab allowed nahi hai na?”

“Sir hamare paas already complaint aa chuki hai. Yeh Chhath Puja chal rahi hai. Ho jayega na thodi der mein khatm.”

“Achha... Theek hai... Main thoda aur intezar karta hoon...”

That was it. She was rude and she was trying to justify what was happening there. This wasn’t the help I was expecting. I poured another drink, a big one this time, and switched from classic rock to heavy metal for further distraction. To my surprise, it still wasn’t enough and the noise from outside still overshadowed everything. I went to the balcony and took another look and saw more and more people coming in towards the tent. It felt like the party was about to begin. It was 12:30 AM and I decided to call the cops again.

“Hello... Blah blah... You call is on hold. Please stay on the line... x 9”

“Hello. Haanji main XYZ bol rahi hoon. Main aapki kya sahayata kar sakti hoon?”

“Haanji. Main Mayur Vihar se bol raha hoon. Aur yahan kaafi samay se bahar shor ho ra...”

“Aap Dilli se bol rahe hain?”

“Ji...”

“Yeh Faridabad hai... 011 laga ke 100 dial karein...”

“Hello?”

She hung up. I was appalled. I don’t know why I was connected to the Faridabad line and why they couldn’t transfer me to the correct one. I was losing my cool and I was to burn that tent down. I didn’t have enough petrol neither did I have want to go to jail. I called them again, this time, with the area code. It was 1 AM now.

“Hello... Blah blah... You call is on hold. Please stay on the line... x 13”

“Hello. Main Dilli Pulis se bol rahi hu. Main aapki kya sahayata kar sakti hoon?”

“Haanji. To main Mayur Vihar se bol raha hoon. Yahan pe mere ghar ke saamne ek tent laga hai. Udhar kai ghanto se loud music aur shor sharaba mach raha hai. Abhi ek baj gaya hai.”

“Aap kis area se bol rahe hain?”

“Ji, Mayur Vihar... New Ashok Nagar metro station ke paas...”

“Achha...”

“Haan... To yeh dikkat kar raha hai. Kaafi samay se chal raha hai. Ab late bhi ho gaya hai... Sone mein dikkat hai. Ghar pe boodhe log bhi hain...”

“Sir humne to force bhej di hai. Ab wo nahi jaate to hum kya karein?”

“Arre but aapka kaam hai nay eh theek karna? Ab aap batao main kya kar sakta hoon? Karna to aapko chahiye na kuch?”

“....”

“Hello?”

She hung up, again. She didn’t even finish the conversation and hung up on me. I was pissed off. This incompetency from their part was killing me. We count on them to help us out when we need them to and this is how they treat us. I am not paying my taxes for this. It was 2:00 AM now and it was time for another call.

“Hello... Blah blah... You call is on hold. Please stay on the line... x 23”

Again, no answer. I was fuming now. There was just no stopping this idiotic religious practice that was disturbing everyone else who was unfortunately situated around this place. Had it been a private party or a wedding ceremony, the cops would’ve immediately come and harassed the merry makers and taken a good few thousand bucks and then would’ve been seen drinking in their Gypsy a few minutes later. But alas, this was religion. This was a sensitive topic. How could they do anything about it? It was 3 AM now and I wanted to sleep. I called from a different number this time.

“Hello... Blah blah... You call is on hold. Please stay on the line... x 13”

“Hello. Main Dilli Pulis Sahayata Kendra se bol rahi hu. Main aapki kya madad kar sakti hoon?”

“Ji main aaj paanchvi chhathi baar phone kar raha hu. Mere ghar ke bahar raat 9-10 baje se tent laga hai aur udhar bahut loud shor ho raha hai. Abhi 3 baj gaye hain. Hume sona bhi hai. Kuch kijiye.”

“Ji hum karte hain kuch.”

“Yeh pehle bh bola gaya tha mujhe. Main baar baar phone nahi karna chahta.”

“Haanji samajhte hain hum.”

“Yahan bhagwaan ke naam pe kuch bhi ho raha hai ab. Aise sahi nahi hai. Main bhi raat bhar aapko phone nahi karna chahta baar baar. Please band karaiye ise.”

“Ji hum dekhte hain ki kya kar sakte hain...”

“Okay...”

What else could I say? I gave up. There was no hope. I made my last drink and went off to sleep. It took me a good couple of hours to sleep properly. Till 5 there was music playing outside, I remember. By 6 it faded away and that’s when I drifted away into a deep sleep, finally. It’s one night I don’t want to remember, ever.

It made me realise, yet again, how helpless we are in front of religion. Religion was created to make people do good and be good. But what have we made out of it? The whole country, the government, the police; everyone bows down in front of these religious fanatics. Lunatics, rather. Be it Chhath Puja or Kaanwad, things that cause trouble to others, are a menace to society, should NOT be allowed. The authorities should not be afraid of religion. In the name of secularism we are living in a country where we’ve made religion such a sensitive topic that no one dares take an opposing stand. People have become extremely intolerant and would be ready to kill in the name of their God.

I think we’re living on a hot volcano ready to erupt anytime now. There are riots happening in smaller towns currently, don’t be too surprised if you witness one sometime soon in a metro city. This is not the country I dreamed to live in. This is not the reason why I want to live in India.

Dear cops, government and everyone else who is in control; don’t take my love for the country away. Do something. Fix this mess.