Monday, 6 July 2015

The Importance Of The Indian Independence Day

There is none.

Now that I have set the context, I can go on and tell you why there isn’t. Following are the reasons why the Indian people know about the 15th of August or celebrate the Indian Independence Day:

  • Dry Day: Buy as much booze as you can the day before because the urge to drink alcohol on a Dry Day is at least 107 times higher than on a normal day. And when you are done emptying the bottles you bought the day before, which you will, head to a bootlegger to add to the thrill of being independent and pay 4 times the prize of that Royal Stag you will buy. Oh wait, on the way back, when you get caught riding your bike triples and only wearing your vest, argue with the cop that it’s your right to be who you are on Independence Day
  • Kite Flying: When you stay in either Old Delhi or Ahmedabad or Jaipur, it is easily assumed that you do not have access to electricity and in turn you have no computer or an Internet connection and you still rent Debonair and Fantasy magazines to wank off. And when you are done wanking off for 364 days of the year, the only other source of entertainment you have is to fly kites. An additional bonus being able to kill people at times by letting the manjha go haywire!
  • Republic Day Parade: Of course, you must have met someone in your life who thought that the Republic Day parade happens on the 15th of August every year because that is our Independence Day. If not, then you’re yet to meet some of the most interesting people to ever walk on the face of the Earth.
  • Holiday: Get drunk on the 14th of August with your office / college buddies and come home sloshed, take off your pants and your shirt and scratch your paunch before you go off to sleep. Wake up sweaty with a bad hangover and a splitting headache, go wash your face in the loo and come back scratching your balls and go back to sleep again. Most independent you will ever feel. 
  • The Indian Flag: Do you know there are set rules on how to hoist the Indian Flag? There’s an actual Indian Flag Code which you can check out for yourself. If the government is going to expect the Indian citizens to go through a 26 page manual on the use of the Indian Flag, well, they’re expecting too much from the laziest country on the planet. 
  • The Years: We always focus on the amazing number of years that we have been independent. Like we’ve achieved a lot in these so called ‘independent’ years. I mean, just for some perspective, there are actual people older than Independent India. Just saying. 
  • Patriotism: Bhagat Singh. Sukhdev. Rajguru. That’s what the Indian freedom struggle is to the common man here. There used to be a bit of Gandhi in there, but, thanks Modi! Oh wait, did I not mention Jallianwala Bagh? A trip to Amritsar must be due. I owe this to my country. Sob sob.
  • Independence Day (the movie): We live in a country where every English movie channel on TV ends up showing Independence Day. And we all know Independence Day. It is a movie about some aliens who’re trying to take over the world, apparently, but the great USofA comes to the rescue and saves the world from total annihilation. And coincidentally, the final blow is dealt on the 4th of July and that’s when the American President, quite confidently, declares it to be an Independence Day for the whole of mankind! Well…

What does Independence Day mean to you? I would love to know!

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