Lame Of Thrones – Winter Is Cumming

Oh Sir Baratheon and Sir Lannister are searching for me and they want their wolves to sodomise me for not liking Game Of Thrones. Pity is that I live in Jamnaa Paar (Trans-Yamuna, or as we fondly refer to it: Trance-Yamuna) and I don’t think their armies and wolves can cross the toxic flow that’s called Yamuna. So up their wolves’ asses. I wish for a thousand little woodpeckers to peck the wolves’ penises until little 6 year old kids come out of those wolf costumes.

Reading that was crap, right? So is the show. For me. And I’ll tell you why.

I started watching it amidst extreme hype hearing rave reviews and statements like “Duuuuude it’s the best motherfuckin’ show evvvaaa!” and some went like “Maayyynn.... It’s so good I wet my pants bro and not just because of the sex scenes but its sheer awesomeness it’ll make you cum out of excitement.” And then I started watching the show and I saw that midget and I haven’t got a hard on since.

Figure of speech. Move on.

The show started pretty nicely and I was quite liking it. Till I saw a little more of it. And a little more. And some more. It just kept getting from bad to worse. Both the show and the lives of the ‘good’ guys in the show. I understand the realistic element and the fact that life is not a fairytale and things do go wrong even for the good guys. But I am sure even the most unlucky guy in the world is luckier than those good guys in Game Of Thrones.

Everybody keeps dying or getting maimed or dragons come out of their behinds (that must be painful) or they simply fall off the cliffs after having incestual sex. There is no silver lining; there is no light at the end of the tunnel on the sets of Game Of Thrones. It’s like Gabbar didn’t only cut Thakur’s hands but also his penis and legs and ensured he stayed alive. He then went ahead and maimed Ramu Kaka too and forced him to rape Jaya Bachchan in front of the whole Ramgarh ke vaasiyon. Not being satisfied with the mayhem he had created, he ensures Jai and Veeru DP the shit out of Basanti and then Dhanno.

If all this downfall wasn’t enough, the creator thought why not distract them from all the ‘unpossible’ negativity and give them a thousand odd characters so that they stay confused. People keep dying all the time and there are a million odd ‘important characters’ so you forget if the person who died was a good guy or bad.

Winter is coming. There’s so much of that white snow they should rather say winter is cumming.

While I, kind of, enjoyed the first season; the moment I started with the second, it all came crashing down. Each and every character I liked, died, and before I could develop the interest for the sake of impressing my peers by knowing all about dragons and eggs and Sati and what not; I lost interest. I couldn’t go beyond the second episode of the second season.

Today as I sit here, I wonder if I would be able to survive in this world where not liking Game Of Thrones is like not liking Jab We Met. I hate them both. In spite of each and every person around me being an ardent fan of the show I just cannot bring myself to watch another minute of it. There are conversations all around me, people are masturbating at work and ejaculating the moment a new episode gets downloaded. I simply sit and observe and lurk in the shadows as if I don’t exist. I might be missing out on a lot of fun but I just don’t understand what’s there to like about a show where a ‘season’ cums, little girls ride wolves, boys have sex with their mothers, a sister mothers a child of her brother and the father promises to save the world but dies and has his head hung out in the balcony among other drying clothes.

No my cup of tea. I don’t like winter cumming. And I have to live with it.