Indian Politics in 2014

True story, bro.

Ignore the meme above. And ignore the ones that keep appearing. If you are expecting a serious, well researched, and insightful blog about politics, well, you are at the right place. I will exceed your expectations and by the end of the blog you would want me to become the next Prime Minister of India. I will be RaVa. Or LaJa. Or something. Maybe just MaMeSa.

RaVa is short for Rachit Varma, which is my name.

LaJa is short for Laughing Jawan, which is my blog’s name.

MaMeSa, my favourite, is short my for my Twitter handle @MayaMemeSaab.

And that's how I roll.

I’ve seen elections before. Starting from school for the posts of the head boy and the head girl. Those were important times. Alas, I was never a candidate. I was an averagely average boy. I had a side parting and I used to apply coconut oil in my hair. But, for the actual winners, it was a big deal. It defined the rest of their lives. For boys it meant they’d get to go to the US and marry a small town girl from India. For girls it meant they’d get to go to the US and marry an ex head boy, from their school or some other.

I have also experienced local colony elections amongst friends to decide who would get to throw an egg on the girl everyone had a crush on. I won that a couple of times but could never hit the mark. I was bad at cricket too. See how average I was? I even remember the Delhi elections that just happened last year where I voted for the very first time in my life. But the elections that are happening right now, are way beyond my comprehension. You lost me at NaMo…

Dil ki baat.

Let me make my stance clear before I continue. I am not for anyone. I will openly tell you that I voted for NOTA. I do not support any of the parties out there contesting the elections right now. I don’t think I will ever be able to do it too. Till the time we have cow praising, people killing, ugly ass fat and old uneducated idiots contesting the elections, I am sorry, they will not have my vote of support.

Like, seriously.

Politics and elections is all fine. They are a part of life because that’s how a democracy functions, at least on paper. It’s the people, you people, who bother me. I have never seen a crazier bunch of people. Last time I saw such madness was when this ‘Didi’ had a wardrobe malfunction when all of us little kids were out swimming. I will always remember that day as ‘The Day When We Hit Puberty And Had Our First Hard On’. Ahh, what a glorious day for mankind. Let me relive it and come back in 4 minutes.

And I’m done. Continuing…

From old intellectuals to young hipsters, everyone is riding this Indian Political wave that has become so stupidly hilarious that it’s poli-tickling me now. It was unexpected from so many of the people around me to indulge in any kind of support or bashing of the politicians that I don’t know if I can trust even my dog or the pet mouse that I have in my kitchen who is not afraid of me and keeps staring at me no matter what I do I have not eaten in 8 days. Some are out there with their dicks in their hands and wanking off to the most likely PM to be announced. Some are shoving brooms up their behinds in sheer pleasure that they get out of it. And I am not talking about the mice in my kitchen. Although, that would be quite a sight.

There are some who are opposing them so fiercely that they’ve quit their jobs and moved in back with their parents and spending 18 hours a day just bashing the politician they hate. I once did that in the summer of 2010 and all I did was watch porn and masturbate. Still more productive than what these other guys are doing.

Am I???

I can’t wait for the elections to get over. I need people around me to become normal again. I need better conversations than the ones comparing penis sizes of Narendra Modi, Rahul Gandhi and, Arvind Kejriwal. I have no interest in them whatsoever. At least discuss bosoms of Mamata Banerjee, Mayawati, and Jayalalitha. Everywhere I go, everything I do, everyone I meet; all I can see, hear and feel has something to do with the ongoing elections and Indian Politics in 2014. I see a broom and BANG! I see a monkey and BANG! I travel in a train to Ahmedabad and I stop at Godhra and BANG!

It's unpossible.

Please get this over with as soon as you can otherwise I will have to illegally move to Bangladesh and become a male prostitute and get deported to Thailand as a ladybody of sorts and hope for a better life. Do you really want to stop reading the awesome stuff I write? NoNa? Let’s move on with our lives. There are castles to be built, noses to be dug, Anil Kapoor’s hair to be shaved and banana peels to be slipped on.

Please feel free to use the awesomely contextual, topical memes around Indian Politics and the ongoing elections, with my face on them, on your social networks. Enjoy! 

Big time, man!

You're welcome.

What is up?

Can't help it!