Quality Quantity Potty

“Sir it’s closing time, can I take your last order?”

“Haan bhai please get us 12 large pegs of Royal Stag with Thums Up”

The above mentioned conversation often happens when you’re at a place where you have taken an ‘unlimited’ package of alcohol. To get your money’s worth and to get drunk you end up ordering more than you can handle as time is running out. You gulp down the last round in about 20 minutes and you walk out of the pub half falling.

We Indians do not believe in quality but in quantity. Who cares about what you’re having if you’re having too much of it. And this does not stay restricted to booze. Be it food, kids, cars, houses, etc. we like to have them in numbers rather 1 or 2 of them which are really worth it. I have a friend who owns 4 Wagon R’s. I have countrymen who’ve somehow managed to populate this country to the extent that it has in itself become the biggest problem of India. And I don’t drink less than 6 pegs when I drink.

Imagine the plight of the villagers who have not much to do with their lives. The current crop of villagers is still better off than the ones that preceded them. What do they do with their free time? Nothing much. Just have sex and produce more babies. How bad can that be? What are condoms? Kaun dumb? Tu dumb saale.

Rather than buying a small hatchback and a sedan we’d rather have 6 tiny cars just so that we have a good number of cars in our garage. Instead of having a couple of drinks of a nice expensive scotch we’d rather drink 8 of some local whisky. Honey badgers here in India don’t give a shit about hangovers. And if there’s a buffet? Bhai khana aan do. Bas aan do. We’ll stuff ourselves to the point where we have to step out, not for a smoke break, but for a fart break. That’s how you get your money’s worth when there’s something unlimited. Food, booze or sperm.

Take my blog for instance. I, at times, blog just to keep it populated. I need to show regular updates just to satisfy myself that I’m blogging regularly and bombard viewers with opinions they don’t want ever. Although I’d rather just have a few quality blogs, I still prefer to publish the not so great ones, the mediocre one, just to keep it going. It’s ingrained in me. And you. And the rest of this country.